“My Precious”

| favoritecupoftea

I asked Kyle permission to cut my hair. It’s been a while, I said, and I am already getting tired of keeping my long hair. He didn’t agree. So I made a bargain, as soon as  I get pregnant, I’ll shed inches of the long thick hair that people have identified me with – he assented.

That was last year. On April 13 (Maundy Thursday), I impulsively asked Kyle to take me to Katipunan – anywhere in Katipunan – to find an open Salon. My husband, shocked by my randomness calmly told me, “Walang bukas ngayon Cream”.  Surprisingly though, he did not contest my stubbornness when I insisted.. I thought to myself, “kahit saan pa yan, magpapagupit ako ngayon.” Thankfully, Bench Fix in U.P. Town Center was open and after deep sighs, I was able to  get what I wanted. I was able to cut my hair – even if I was NOT pregnant ( or so I thought).

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6-7 inches shorter than my usual hair length

Kyle and I started trying in May 2016, or six months after our marriage and right after I secured a spot in Tuguegarao’s 7th City Council. I downloaded a mobile application that tells me when I am fertile and tracks my period. I was so excited to carry my husband’s baby.

Every month since then, however, was a struggle. It came to a point when Kyle decided to delete the application as it started to contribute in the stress and pressure that we receive from friends, family and acquaintances.  Everyone wants a “Little Kyle” or “Little Marj” soon – and guess what, we wanted it too, BADLY.

There were months when I would cry the moment my period arrives. There were also those that gave false hopes – I got delayed a few days but to no avail. I have a very regular period, an accurate 28 day cycle. Hence, it was very easy to track pregnancy should there be one. But for 10 months, there was none.

I was a very busy person. I had to keep up with so many responsibilities as a wife, daughter, local legislator, lawyer, business owner, professor, NGO member and advocate. I was a frequent traveler, I fly in and out of Tuguegarao almost every week. I kept so many lives. Kyle was also a very committed litigator and hands on with business, among other things.

Many said, the kind of lifestyle that we have is a huge reason why we cannot conceive. Kyle stays in Manila, I am in Tuguegarao most of the time.

It hurt, however, when people thought having a baby was not in our priorities, that we are focusing on our individual careers and financial stability before completing our family.

They were wrong. Kyle and I are happy, we are very much content with what we have. We have stable jobs, we have started our businesses, we were also able to purchase properties and a home. Sure, we are not perfect and we are still in the process of making our marriage better, BUT WE ARE READY and we have been praying for a child.

The Lord had blessed Kyle and I so much. We are very grateful and thankful for His graciousness that despite the tears, disappointments, frustrations – we kept the faith. We believed that in His perfect time, we will be blessed with our Little one.

Truth be told, it was a very challenging 10 months. It’s true what they say, “iyong mga nag-iingat nabubuntis pero yung mga pinagplaplanuhan at gustong gusto na, nahihirapan.” 

April was a very busy month for me. Aside from the regular sessions and committee hearings, we conducted a youth caravan, I was guest speaker during the graduation rites of my alma matters, went on vacation with the family, and had a couple of activities.

But despite the physical burden, my heart was hopeful – I was a week delayed. I, however, was in Tuguegarao and I wanted to do a pregnancy test with Kyle by my side. I realized, I was going to accompany the Tuguegarao City FLIP Debaters who will be competing in the UP Fast Forward National Debate Competition that weekend anyway. So i said, it could wait.

The morning of 22 April 2017, I had the test and my heart leaped in joy when the 2 lines showed – Thank you Lord! I went out of the bathroom and quietly sat on Kyle’s bedside, I showed him the test. My husband, shocked, stared me in the eye and calmly asked, “Pregnant?” With a giddy smile, I said yes and we hugged tightly right after. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

 

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We did two (2) more tests after to be sure and it resulted positive both times.

Kyle and I decided to keep the news within our small circle of immediate family and friends until we’re able to confirm the viability. Ate Joelle was the first one to know, she is a doctor and Kyle’s sister-in-law. She shared in our joy and excitement, and prepared the request for the ultrasound.

I had my 1st ultrasound at the Medical City Regis Center. The test showed signs of pregnancy as I had a thickened decidualized endometrium.

We are so happy. After a long wait, we are pregnant.

That Saturday evening, however, I had minimal spotting so Kyle decided I take the plane instead of travelling by land again to Tuguegarao on Monday. Thankfully, the bleeding stopped on Sunday. Unfortunately, it reoccurred morning of my Monday flight and worsened upon my arrival in Tuguegarao.

With Mama, I decided to consult a doctor. I went to Dr. Maricel Palattao, she was recommended by my Tita Maritoni. Doc Palattao conducted another ultrasound which confirmed my pregnancy because the gestational sac already exists. She prescribed duphaston and folic acid with bed rest.

I did not attend session that Tuesday and yet, my bleeding worsened. Evening of April 25, I was admitted at the St. Paul Hospital. I had Isoxsuprine on IV. Since I was in very early pregnancy and bleeding, Doc Palattao was sure it was delicate. Doc also went through a process of ruling out an ectopic pregnancy. There was a time we even thought we are having twins since ultrasound shows that there were two (2) cystic structures on my right ovary (suggestive of corpus luteum).

I was discharged after four days but this time, Doc Palattao had strict orders. I have to be in COMPLETE BED REST WITHOUT BATHROOM PRIVILEGES. I will have to go back for a check up after a week.

I couldn’t believe what I heard, my lifestyle will have a 180 degree turn. While at the hospital, i did everything in bed except to poo. It was very uncomfortable and I have to do that again for another week, which also meant I cannot go to work and attend to my commitments. It started to stress me out – but for my precious, I willingly went through it.

On April 29, just a day after I got discharged. I started secreting huge amounts of blood again, especially when I pee. This time, Doc Palattao advised I take Duvadilan three (3) times a day. If it does not work, I will have to get confined again or have a personal nurse attend to me for an IV drip at home.

Thankfully, the oral medication was effective. My bleeding dramatically decreased. And on my May 6 check up, we had positive news. The baby was growing, we now have a well defined gestational sac with a yolk sac inside. The possibility of an ectopic or twin pregnancy is now completely ruled out.

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(Left) Subchorionic Hemorrhage; (Right) Gestational sac with yolk sac

Unfortunately, me and my precious are not yet out of the woods. The ultrasound showed that I have a huge subchorionic hemorrhage, even bigger than my placenta. Doc Palattao again prescribed complete bed rest for 2 weeks until our follow up ultrasound.

I was able to bargain permission to just appear in session the week after. I have been absent for 3 weeks straight and i have to officially explained my absence because I could be subjected to disciplinary actions.

The next two weeks were very trying. I was also emotionally drained. I cried almost everyday by my lonesome. I thought of all the things I have been missing and all the responsibilities I have been failing to fulfill. I didn’t know how long my situation would remain that way. There are a lot more on my calendar I will miss because of my condition. But I had to be strong, I was having a hard time. But for my precious, I tried my best.

Kyle has been nothing but perfect. He has been very understanding of my being emotional and mood swings. He also responded to my demands and cravings positively. And he painstakingly takes on a 12 hour drive to Tuguegarao every Friday night to be with me during weekends.

We both sacrificed a lot for our precious. We prayed and worked for this and we are determined to help him/her survive no matter what it takes.

My parents and family were also very supportive. In the past month that I have been literally bedridden, they have been nothing but supportive. They never pressured me and were very cool about it. I am so blessed to have a family like them, they made it easier for me to go through this experience.

Then came the morning of May 20, 2017. I woke up early to prepare for my follow up check up. Kyle arrived at 8:00AM and by 9:30AM, we were at Doc Palattao’s clinic.

Unlike the past ultrasound tests, Doc Palattao was silent. I too had an idea of what’s happening because I can no longer visibly see my precious’ gestational sac. It was almost gone and has started to disintegrate. At 8 weeks, I read from medical medicines and online articles that the baby should now have a form and a heart beat. My precious had neither.

After minutes of silence, Doc spoke. “Atty, hindi na siya naggrow. Wala siyang heartbeat.”

My heart crashed with the confirmation. My precious stopped growing at 6 weeks and 6 days, dapat 8 weeks and a few days na siya. I looked at Kyle. My husband calmly said, “okay lang”.  My mother was there too, silent, trying to control her tears.

Today, as I write this blog entry – the first I have ever written since #KMinfinity, I no longer have my precious with me. I was wide awake when he/she was scraped off my uterus last night. While mothers delivered their babies full term in the DR, i lost mine at 2 months.

I was completely numb from my waist down but not my heart. It was bleeding so hard for my precious who was about to be separated from me. I reached for my tummy and whispered. “Goodbye Baby, I love you. I am sorry”. 

I cried halfway through the procedure and while at the recovery room. I still cry now every time I remember my precious one whom I tried very much to help survive. I wanted to give him/her a fighting chance at life. Kyle and I did everything in our power to save our precious, but probably, it is not meant to be.

Doc says, the problem may be chromosomal which is the common cause for most miscarriages. Makapit naman siya because I had duphaston for a month and subchorionic hemorrhage had already resolved. This means that mukhang si baby ko ang may problema mismo and he/she cannot really survive, or if precious does, he/she may come out with an abnormality. Sabi nga ni Tita Maritoni, our body has what is called as the process of natural selection. Ilalabas niya ung hindi talaga pwede or kayang magsurvive.

Si baby na lang ang kulang sa buhay ko, sa buhay namin ni Kyle. Napakasakit. Hindi ko alam kung kailan o paano ko malalagpasan ang lungkot at pangungulila.

Pero hindi pa panahon, naniniwala ako, God has better plans. In His perfect time.

I have kept my real condition for a month but this time, I decided to write about it – for our Precious, for our little one’s memory.

So long Anak, maraming salamat binigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon maramdam maging Ina. You are our angel. I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KMinfinity in Photos

| favoritecupoftea

“Throughout our six years together, I realized that everything I have done, every choice I have ever made, every wonderful/terrible thing that has ever happened to me, all lead me right here, this moment, with you.”

Last Saturday, I married my my ever patient car pool mate, my diligent study buddy, my best friend, the love of my life.

And we would like to send our deepest gratitude to everyone who celebrated with us, especially those who witnessed the wedding ceremony at the church. I felt so overwhelmed walking down the aisle upon the sight of all you, we filled the church just like what I dreamed. And knowing that you traveled all the way to Cavite just to celebrate with us, we are extremely thankful.

Sharing to you our wedding Photo On-Site Video made by the ever talented Ian Santillan. Thank you so much Ian, you are exactly what we wanted and more!

KMinfinity,
December 12, 2015

Celebrant: Rev. Father Alexander Balatbat
Church: San Antonio de Padua Church, Silang
Preparations and Venue: The Hills @ Silang
Photography: http://www.iansantillan.com/

Videography: http://www.iancelis.com/

Make up Artist: Mariah Santos
Gown: https://www.facebook.com/RonaldEnricoCouture/

Entourage: http://www.sherlynjarlega.com/

Suit: Filmer Garcia
Bridal Car: Don Robert’s
Bridal Shoes: Perfect Match
Sounds and Lights: CNS Pro
Drapes: Twobestfour Drapes
Band: Infinite Soul
Giveways: Excel Frames and Decors
Invitation: Yanna’s Print Shop
Florist: Flowers and beyond
Event Stylist: Tagaytay Weddings and Events
Coordination: Celebrations by Richard Uy

On teaching and breaks

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I taught neither to earn nor to get credits. I didn’t I do it for glory and definitely not because I had no choice. I taught because I genuinely wanted to help students achieve their dreams.

When I started teaching last year, I vowed that I would try my hardest to help my students avoid having failing marks. I know that if they fail, it is a reflection of how I was as a professor. Like I said, I became one because I wanted to help students achieve their dreams, not to be an instrument to shatter them. I swear, I will never find joy in failing students.

And so I was very much committed in helping them understand the subject matter. I would go to lengths in considering different methods of teaching just to make sure they grasp the lesson. I gave as much opportunities for them to make up and provided them with a supportive tap each time. I did this because then I would be at peace knowing that I was being a good professor and so when they still fail, it is of their own doing.

After two semesters, I am proud to see how my students evolved to be more diligent, confident and brave. I am hoping that I helped prepared them not only for the next semesters in college but also in life. And I would be very thrilled to see how they end up to be.

Indeed, the happiness and excitement that I felt in my 1st year as a professor was incomparable. I have never felt so fulfilled. I was the happiest when I am inside the four corners of the classroom. I knew, without a doubt, that I found my favorite playground.

But today, I have finally made a decision – I am not teaching next semester, and probably even after that. And like any kid, I am certain that I will feel a sense of longingness this coming year. Sadly, just when I finally found time to feed my heart’s earnest desires, circumstances made me cut the tube – albeit temporarily.

I say, with all sincerity, that taking a leave from teaching was no easy decision to make. Despite the growing pressure at work and the incessant increase of responsibilities, I wasn’t ready to give it up. Even when my Saturdays started to get filled with work, I was willing to make time. I was even keen on being strategic with wedding duties just so I can continue teaching.

But I figured, am no superwoman. Somehow, I realized that I have to choose my priorities. This is not to say that teaching is not a priority, it is. But I am only getting married once and we have a big fight to prepare for next year. So yes, teaching can take a back seat because I have the rest of my life to do it anyway.

For the mean time, I will miss preparing every Friday night for my class the next day. It was my principle to never go to class unprepared. Heck I even prepared better and was more diligent as a professor than I did as a student. I wanted to always give my best, because my students deserve nothing less. I believe this, as I expected the same from my professors back when I was still in school.

I will surely miss challenging my students to rise above adversities and strive to be better. I will miss exchanging occasional chats with them during breaks. I will miss calling them out when they become negligent or disrespectful.

I will miss being a professor, a mentor. Really, this past year was such a sweet ride I cannot wait to go through it all over again by 2016.

On Peptalks and Blessings.

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It was almost midnight, the eve of our pre-wedding shoot. I came home really tired and exhausted. I washed up and was prepared to doze off when I heard my facebook messenger’s notification sound. I reached for my phone and read the message. It says: “Ma’am good evening po. Magpapasalamat lang po ako for everything you have done for me para po makapasa ako sa Ateneo. Salamat po for the recommendation letter and for the advices you’ve imparted during our internship. Di po siguro ako makakapasa sa Ateneo kung di ko po kayo nakilala. Thank you po ulit and God bless po.”

To this date, I still have goosebumps reading this message. It was just a week ago when I signed up as a writer for a religious publication. My first assignment was to write about my recent blessing. I, honestly, took the time to think of a subject. I am being blessed everyday by the Good Lord. But it was hard to write about something that could merit publication. I wanted something different, something with impact. Then this message came. What a beautiful blessing, isn’t it?

Though I wasn’t the direct recipient of God’s graciousness, but in my own simple way, I became an instrument to deliver God’s blessing. I, too, feel so blessed.

The message was from “A”. I met her last summer. She, together with two other interns, came from the same university I went for college. They are even taking the same degree I did and are huge fans of volleyball like I am. They were most of the time silent, timid and just waited for tasks which they accomplished on time.

I admit that it is in my nature to pep talk younger people when I feel like it, especially when they show interest. I know I am not in the best position to inspire and give advice considering how little I have accomplished in life. But this is me. I do not shy away from encouraging people to keep on achieving their dreams and reaching their full potential, even if I, myself, still have a lot of working to do.

I learned and am still learning a lot of things from different people, no matter how simple or irrelevant they seem to be to society. Every encounter, every word matters. When you make sense of all the things in life, you realized that they are all part of one great plan. No idea is too small, no endeavour is too huge.

And yes, I am glad I was being me last summer. When I found out they are considering to pursue law, I did not think twice of encouraging them. Of course I said all the good things about being a lawyer. Bias aside, we all know having the prefix “Atty” to your name means having access to a couple of perks. But I made sure they are aware that regardless of how people see lawyers, law is a noble profession and it does wonders to the world if used properly.

Then came the choice of school. Since two of them are academic scholars, they know they’d have limited choices. But being me, I asked them to just sign up and apply wherever. If they pass, then they make the decision with their families. At least, they know they tried and wouldn’t spend some time thinking about what ifs.

A few months ago, “A” requested for a recommendation letter and informed me that she is taking the entrance exam at my law school. I was ecstatic. Of course I will give her a beautiful recommendation. If anything, I was happy she took the next step and opened herself to possibilities. I was hoping she’ll make it. And as you now know, she actually did.

When she attributed passing the law school’s entrance exam to me, there was indeed quite a beautiful ring to it. I am very grateful that I became part of her recent win in life. The truth, however, is that she passed because she was capable, that was all her. She was meant to pass the exam, the Lord wanted her to be there.

I truly believe that we have limitless possibilities no matter how trying circumstances present themselves to be. We are in the steering wheel and we decide on which direction to take. There may be bumps on the road. We may run out of gas. The night may be too dark. But nothing can make a soul burning with passion and self worth fold in the midst of any tribulation.

And with this recent blessing, I am resigned to the thought that no matter how little we think of ourselves, that should not keep us from trying to be a blessing to others just as the Lord blesses us every day.

A Decade’s Family Tradition

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My father is the eldest in a brood of six. They lived in a quaint barrio in Penablanca, Cagayan. Their house rest on top of a hill in the modest Brgy. Bugatay community. Lolo was a farmer and Lola tends the house. As years passed, their children settled in different places as they began their own families.

In 2004, I was 17, Buboy and JohnJohn were newly born, and Potpot was not yet around. That year, the Annual Martin Family Reunion was conceived. Since then, we all come home to Bugatay every December 25 and be reunited as a family. It’s the time when we share our stories about the year that has been, catch up and celebrate Christmas together.

Our family was the first hosts of the reunion, my father being the eldest. There are lots of food, parlor games and gift giving. Year after year, the host changes chronologically depending on a sibling’s birth. And we’ve seen our family grow since.

Lola left in 2013 and it’s been such a trying year for us. But with how we managed to keep this tradition, I am confident that we can handle anything that may come our way, as a family.  Today, we celebrated the 10th year of our family reunion and I am sure that because of this,  even my children’s children will not lose touch of their pedigree and will always keep in touch with family.

The Siblings (w/ husbands & wives)
The Siblings (w/ husbands & wives)
Me and my cousins
Me and my cousins
Cousins' selfie
Cousins’ selfie

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Still the Hope of the Fatherland

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Delivered on 3 November 2014 at the Asian Young Leaders Roundtable Discussion Speech, 9th Asia Economic Summit, Sunway Hotel Resort and Spa, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia.

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I believe that my co-speakers are the more experienced and more established resource persons on the topic. I would like to think, therefore, that I was invited to speak for the very purpose of bringing to the table a more personal take on the topic, considering that I am still within the very definition of “youth” by international standards.

Let me start with an excerpt from the poem “To the Filipino Youth”, written by the Philippines’ National Hero, Dr. Jose Rizal. The poem says:

Lift up your radiant brow,
This day, Youth of my native strand!
Your abounding talents show
Resplendently and grand,
Fair hope of my Motherland!

For Rizal and for almost all of Filipinos since him, the Youth has always been referred to as the Hope of the Fatherland. In Philippine History, from the youth sprang valiant heroes who were monumental in the Philippine’s fight for freedom and independence. Rizal himself was only 26 when he published Noli Me Tangere in 1887, which to a certain extent became the bible of the revolution.

Aside from Rizal, many of our National Heroes were as young. Andres Bonifacio was only in his 20s when he led the Kataastaasang Kagalanggalangan Katipunan ng mga Anak ng Bayan, most commonly known as the KKK or the “Supreme and Most Honorable Society of the Children of the Nation, a society formed by mostly the young Filipinos and was critical in propagating nationalistic ideals among the Filipinos. The other leader of the Philippine Revolution and the President of the 1st Philippine Republic, Emilio Aguinaldo was a victorious general at age 27 and President before he turned 29.

To this date, I would like to believe that the Filipino Youth is still at the forefront of development and fight for freedom. In fact, in 2014, the Mastercard Youth Confidence Index placed the Filipino youth as fourth among emerging markets in the Asia-Pacific region. This only shows that despite the challenges and obstacles that had plagued the Filipino Youth throughout the years, they have remained steadfast in helping build a better future for the Philippines.

It is no secret that the Philippines, despite being tagged as the next Tiger of Asia, still has to shake remnants of being a Third World Country. The Philippines current state is brought about by a mixture of economic, social, geographical and political fiascos. Recent studies have shown, however, that even in the face of insurmountable difficulties, majority of the Philippines’ youth population chose to overcome apathy and helplessness. The Filipino Youth have always been a picture of resilience and robustness.

As written by Joseph Puyat of the University of the Philippines, “how well the country, (or Asia for that matter), will fare decades from now will depend on the performance of its future leaders and citizens – today’s youth. Whether they will turn out to be good and productive members of our society depends to a great extent on how competently they are managing their current affairs, the life-changing decisions they make now and will continue to make and the level of support society provides in this trying period of their lives.”

It is true. We can say that our youth, Filipinos and Asians in particular are most vibrant and intellectually gifted. You see in a lot of western TV series, Asian students being tagged as the industrious, intelligent and confident ones. They were always at the top of their class academically and they head student organizations or councils. This, to a certain extent, relates to what is perceived to be the innate strength of Asian Youth.

But as Asians, what have we done to nurture and develop our HOPES? Have we prepared them the right way to be our future leaders? Or have we neglected and abused them that our region and countries’ futures will go down the drain with them too?

In the Philippines, there has been enactments of numerous institutional reforms and initiatives to develop our youth. The K-12 Educational System was recently introduced, adding two more years to Secondary school in the aims of making our youth employment-ready even without a tertiary education. We also have a National Youth Commission (NYC) which serves as a policymaking and coordinating body of all youth programs and projects of the government. The Sangguniang Kabataan or the Youth Council was created for young Filipinos aged 15 to 21 to actively participate in affairs involving all levels of governance, from grassroots to the national level. In fact, young Filipinos are being elected in key government positions. The Vice-Governor of Quezon Province, Honorable Sam Nantes, is only 25 years old. The Lone District of Camiguin’s Representative, Hon. Xavier Jesus Romualdo, was elected to the Lower House of Congress at age 26.

Despite this, however, the state of the Filipino youth cannot be said to be most pleasing. Many times their vibrance and idealism had been subdued by the evils of the society, of corrupt politicians, discrimination and neglect. Their potentials are being tempered by challenges in education, employment and abuses.

While many young Filipinos enjoy the benefit of education and literacy, the quality of education continues to fall below standard. One begs to ask: Why am I not receiving quality education when the Philippine Government in 2014 allotted over PHP 300 Billion for Education? Why are there no sufficient schools in the country? Worse, why are there substandard facilities and insufficient text books?

Yes, there is free public elementary and high school education. There are State Universities and Colleges, as well as the Technical Educaion and Skills Development Authority (TESDA) which offers scholarships. And indeed, it can be said that the current Government is doing everything to alleviate the status of education and raise literacy in the country. But with the country’s battle for corruption, it is obvious that the government cannot do it alone. It is important that the private sector should step up and fill in the void created by corrupt officials while we fight for transparency and accountability in government.

It should be noted that when we say “private sector”, we do not only talk about business entities and corporations. We should go deeper and make the more fortunate members of our youth population realize that it is also their responsibility to lend a hand to those who are not as lucky as they are. This way, we help improve literacy rate among the poor and instil selflessness and altruism to the fortunate.

Take for instance the Thomasian Project 4 (TP4) of the University of Santo Tomas Central Student Council. It is a program close to my heart as I was part of it. We were students ourselves but we pool in our resources, with the help of the Council funds, to tutor abled but financially challenged public high school students every Saturday. We helped them prepare for class and eventually for college. TP4 provided them an opportunity to take free entrance exams in the University and upon admission, we help them acquire a full college scholarship. At present, the program has helped a good number of students finish school and land decent employment. The project did not only bring hope to the students we tutored but more importantly to their struggling families.

The program made us, student volunteers, aware of the hurdles that other members of the Filipino youth are going through. It gave us a bigger and deeper perspective of life and society. We recognized the undeniable fact that a huge percentage of our society is below poverty line because they cannot find employment considering their educational qualifications. The more we neglect the value of educating our youth, the closer we take our nations to doom.

This, however, does not take away the challenge for the government and the private sector to provide more employment opportunities in the country. It is highly important that more decent paying and career jobs are generated for our youth to avoid what we call the “brain drain”, where our youth choose to leave the country and work abroad for greener pastures. The solution is not only as simple as education = employment. The truth being that the equation should be quality education = fulfilling employment.

Another pressing concern the Filipino youth currently deals with are abuses from all sectors of the society.

In the Philippines, absolute criminal liability starts at age 15. In addition, those less than 18 but more than 15 years of age cannot be held criminally liable unless they have acted with discernment. The law was made that way for noble reasons. But it has also been the root of so many abuses, the most upsetting of which is the practice of criminals in using children to evade liability. Add to the fact neglect, lack of parental love and guidance, as well as poverty, it is not a surprise that the number of juvenile offenders in the Philippines is increasing by the year.

Also, while the Filipino Youth is given an opportunity to actively perform in governance especially from the grassroots through the SK or the Youth Council, a good number of them are being manipulated by crooked politicians, exposing them early to corruption. Turns out, some of them act as dummies to politicians who desires to take advantage of the youth council for their own personal thirst for power, money and influence. This practice has been existing in the Philippines for years, a practice that corrupts not only the government system of grassroots participation but also the youth, our future leaders.

Interestingly, the above mentioned abuses can also be avoided through education and youth empowerment. A well informed youth will not allow himself to be subjected to pressures to do wrong and be a dummy for somebody else. An empowered youth will stand for his or her own convictions and will be guided by knowing right from wrong. An enlightened youth will not find that collective goals are necessarily antithesis of individualistic goals and vice versa. Hence, will embrace the values of self-respect, generosity and hope.

Clearly, a better tomorrow will be guaranteed by a steering towards the direction of educating our youth not only in school but also in significant aspects of the society.  They should be taught not only to be future managers of companies but also to be society leaders who will fight for reform, freedom, progress and development. We should prepare our youth not only to be globally competitive but also to be socially sensitive. That way, our Youth remains to be the Hope of Our Fatherland and we can confidently say that our tomorrow is way brighter as we’ve prepared our future leaders well.

Thank you so much for listening and God bless us all.

TP4 and the Grace to help

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“Hi Ate, kakalipat lang po namen ng bahay, sa tondo pa din po. Sa JPMorgan po ako nagwowork 3 years na din po. Ate, hindi pa pala kita napapasalamatan for changing my life for the better. Im really glad and thankful that I am one of the luckiest persons to be part of TP4. Kung hindi kayo nagvisit sa school namen before and took the extra step to see our lives baka im not the person I am now. Thank you Ate for helping us and giving us the opportunity to have a better future. I owe this to you and super happy ako that ive met such a wonderful person like you. – Maripet Dy”

I received this on September 30, 2014 at 8:13 PM. It came from one of our Thomasian Project 4 (TP4) Scholars, specifically, from the batch I first handled. I am beyond grateful to be on the receiving end of the above-quoted message. It has been my life’s commitment to genuinely help other people and be one of the many instruments to achieving their dreams. And this message is the answer to a question that has been hounding me for years, “may nagawa at naiwan kaya akong maganda para sa iba?”

TP4 was a project of the UST Central Student Council which aimed to provide less fortunate but able high school students with an opportunity to pursue tertiary education in one of the big universities. Our partner school at that time was Jose Abad Santos High School in Manila.

I remember vividly that moment when I first saw Maripet. She was a frail looking Chinese student who silently sat on a corner while we discussed the details of the program we are offering her class. She went on and passed the qualifying exam as well as the interview, as one of the highest in her batch. But it is the “home visit” that completely convinced me, TP4 exists for students like Maripet.

She lived in a humble space in Tondo with her siblings and her parents. Her father at that time was a 60 year old part time “padyak” driver. Her mother was a housewife. As far as I recall, Maripet is the 2nd eldest in a brood of not less four children. While inside their house, I realized that TP4 can really help Maripet and her family. I knew right there and then, that through our program they can have a better life.

Pursuant to the program, all those who qualified spent their Saturdays in UST as we tutor them for their classes and prepare them for entrance exams. Everyone that we mentored had a special place in my heart but Maripet was different. I was amazed by her discipline and obedience. In fact, she always tops TP4 Batch evaluations. Knowing her circumstances, I had my eyes on her.

Maripet eventually took the entrance exam in UST and passed. She confirmed her slot as a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Finance Student. I was very happy for her. We helped her get a scholarship and she qualified. I was jubilant! The girl who never really knew what’s ahead of her after high school is finally stepping foot in UST. She will go to college and pursue a collge degree.

That summer, however, I crossed paths with her and it seemed like she is not as excited as I am for her. She just came from the Tan Yankee Student Center, looking so lost and was about to cry. I asked why and was shocked by her answer – she was withdrawing her confirmation.

Maripet reasoned that despite the scholarship, her family cannot afford the other expenses in UST. I completely understood her but I was determined not to let her bag down. I was not going to make her turn away from an opportunity that could spark the big difference in her life. I knew God put me there on that fateful day for a reason. I was there to lift Maripet from an impending fall and secure her from her fears.

It was not easy making her believe again that she can be a Thomasian and she can graduate from the University. I didn’t also know the right words to say as I have never been in her shoes. All I have got was my genuine desire to help and concern for her better future. I asked her to be brave for her family and not be defeated by the circumstances. I asked her to believe in herself.

By some magic, she enrolled that same year and pursued her degree in UST.

I wasn’t sure what made her reconsider. Maybe she listened to me. Maybe I was able to make her trust in her own capacities and believe in her dream once more. Or maybe, I just had in my midst a strong young woman who was willing to brave the odds, take risks and dream big for her family.

But one thing is for sure, I knew Maripet was no push over and that she deserved better. I am pretty sure college was not a walk in the park for her. As a working scholar, she had to be in school way longer than any ordinary student. She struggled financially as expenses for books, projects and uniforms became a staple. But she graduated in 2011 and has been employed by JPMorgan for three years now.

What an inspiration she truly is.

Who would have thought that the daughter of pedicab driver can graduate from UST and be employed by one of the biggest banking and financial companies in the world? That from the tiny space they had before, a frail looking girl can help her family move to a more decent home? That a student who literally had no idea where she’ll find herself after highschool has finally found her life’s direction and is doing good?

Maripet may not have achieved her ultimate dream yet but I am certain that if she maintains the same kind of character she displayed while she was with TP4 and UST, there’s no telling how far she can go.

In her message, she thanked me and TP4 for touching her life. For that, she is most graciously welcomed. But we also have a lot to thank her for. She is a testament to the nobleness of TP4 and the effectiveness of its cause. Maripet proved that with a program like that of TP4, struggling Filipino families will be given an opportunity to improve their lives. Not only will it give less fortunate students the chance to pursue a college education but most importantly, will help in our nation’s long standing battle with poverty.

Lastly, I would like to thank her for giving meaning to my life. Maripet is the living proof that I have done something worthy in this lifetime. I am just human, I have done a lot of unpleasant things but with this realization, I thank the Lord for the grace He has given me to touch Maripet and her family’s life. I am beyond grateful.

“EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU HELP SOMEBODY STAND UP, YOU ARE HELPING HUMANITY RISE” —- Dr. Steve Marabolli

Ang nakaGAWIan: The UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe

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The sun has not yet risen, no sighting of open establishments and there were barely people around except for probably 15 of us patiently waiting by the gates. I vividly remember, it was 45 minutes past 5 in the morning.  I woke up particularly jittery that day, as in the days before that. Why shouldn’t I be? I have watched all of Salinggawi’s prior performances only on TV and it frustrates me that I don’t have a ticket to watch their “Roar 4 More” performance yet. No, not this time, not again. I missed it on my 1st year in College, I didn’t see the awesomeness of the “helicopter” live, I was not gonna let that happen again.

And so there I was, standing by the gate of Araneta Center Ticket booth before sunrise, desperately hoping that I could secure for myself and my friends a Standing Room Ticket (SRO) for the UAAP Season 65 Cheerdance Competition. There I was, together with some drivers and helpers made to stand in line for tickets, anticipating the opening of the ticket booth like waiting for Manna from heaven. I can still remember how I patiently pushed and shoved (hehe) some people who were trying to insert themselves before me. I felt like I had all the right, after all, I was up really early for this. They better be more diligent next time. Hehe 🙂

At around noon, the ticket booth opened and finally, me and my friends were able to purchase our tickets. We entered the Big Dome as soon as the gates open. We were in Upper B and were “supposed” to be on SRO. But since we are diligent, we came in way before those who purchased reserved seating tickets. So pasensyahan nalang, when they got in and found us comfortably and confidently sitting on their seats. Looking back, I want to thank them for their generosity and kindness, they didn’t bother us anymore and content themselves watching by the aisle. Way to go!

The UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe successfully defended their crown that year. They set a record of four (4) straight wins. They went farther the next year as they “Jive for Five” and won yet again. They held the cheerdance championship for five (5) consecutive years (2002-2006), a feat that no other team in the UAAP has ever accomplished as of this date.

But Salinggawi went on a slow steep the years after, from a bridesmaid finish in 2007 and 2008, to falling in and out of the winning column, until their worst ranking in 2013 (7th). Supporters and the crowd also began to diminish in numbers, haters and non-believers increased their base. Admittedly, Thomasians doubted Salinggawi. Wala na, tapos na ang glory years. Year after year, Salinggawi lost their clean and beautiful tosses and pyramids, no more graceful dances. Instead, there were so many falls and drops in the performances, magulo, mukhang masyadong kabado.

 Salinggawi is derived from the Filipino phrase “Salin ng mga dating Gawi at Lahi”, which translates to “transfer of customs and traditions” in English. The dance troupe together with the UST Yellow Jackets took pride in passing on the excellence and winning tradition in the field of dance and cheering from one batch to another. Sadly, it looked like hindi naisalin ang nakaGAWIan in the past few years. It seemed like Salinggawi lost its identity. Madaming nagtatanong, nasaan na ang dating Gawi? Kelan kaya ito magbabalik?

Throughout the past eight (8) years, however, it appears that it is not only the Salinggawi which failed to pass on tradition. Because of the disappointing runs, the once vibrant and supportive Thomasian fan base became the primary doubters of the Salinggawi Dance Troupe. Hindi rin naipasa ang nakaGAWIang pagsuporta at paniniwala sa Salinggawi.

Back then, almost half of the Araneta Coliseum was filled with yellow shirts and yellow balloons. It is true what they say, “listen to the Tigers ROAR”.  As soon as the first drum beat is heard, the resounding “Go USTE” chant will envelope the entire Big Dome and you’ll feel goosebumps all over you. Thomasians were very proud of the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe. Like what I did back in 2005 and 2006, we won’t hesitate to wrestle for tickets just so we can watch them perform live. We remain confident despite the angst and creativity of the UP Pep Squad and the clean execution by the FEU Cheering Squad. We did not fear, we did not doubt. We were sure that Salinggawi will always win. For years, ang nakagawiang buwis buhay na suporta ay naipasa at napanindigan ng mga Tomasino.

Things have changed for the worst for the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe, unfortunately. Last Sunday, UST was almost just a speck in the crowd. The drums were still resounding but the “GO USTE” chant, no more. Mahina, walang gana.

This season, I finally watched the cheerdance competition live again, after years of absence. Yes, I too was hurt, devastated and disappointed. I cannot bear to watch the team I lined up for early in the morning lose like they don’t have any winning tradition under their belt. I cannot believe how a team which seemed so invincible loses their confidence to perform just like a snap of a finger. Yes, I too doubted the Salinggawi Dance Troupe. To be completely honest, I went to watch without any expectation that they will win. For that, I am sorry.

But despite it all, Salinggawi will always be Salinggawi. Amidst all the questions about their return, they trained and prepared regardless of the circumstances that befell them. Without a podium finish, they did not have a cash prize to work with and I am not even sure if they are getting enough financial support, but they did not stop. Neither were they disheartened by the fact that there was a 75% decrease in UST crowd attendance. Last Sunday, they went there to fight and win, for UST.

After placing 7th last year, the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe is finally back on the winning column. They placed 3rd to NU and UP, respectively. I was seated in the middle of the Adamson crowd (it was the only seat available) but I stood up and ever so proudly cheered, “Go USTE, Go USTE, Go! Go! Go!” I teared up and was so jubilant that I did not mind who will win the Championship. All that mattered was UST winning again! FINALLY!

Some may have probably said that we celebrate way too much, 3rd place lang naman. But this is more than JUST a Second Runner-Up finish for us Thomasians and Salinggawi faithfuls. This is Salinggawi showing us all that they will never back down from a fight and that for as long as there is a single soul that believes, anything can happen. This is Salinggawi telling Thomasians to keep the faith and support them as they slowly try to get the crown back. This is Salinggawi telling Thomasians na hindi pa natatapos at kailanman hindi titigil ang nakaGAWIan. This is Salinggawi proving us that no matter what, they will stand and fight for UST.

Win or lose, in close margins and blow-outs, the Salinggawi Dance Troupe and Yellow Jackets, cheer our athletes. They never lose the heart to uplift Thomasian spirits in the audience even if our Tigers and Tigresses are obviously licking fatal wounds, some even self-inflicted. They were always the last ones to leave the court or any sports event. They were always all heart for UST.

As they take center stage yet again next year, and in the years to come, let us also go ALL HEART for them. Huwag bumitiw sa SalingGAWI. Tulungan natin silang makabalik sa dati nilang kinalalagyan.

Sabay sabay tayong bumalik sa nakaGAWIan. 

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Pusong Gilas, Pusong Pilipino

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Hulyo ng taong ito, nasa Alemanya ako. Unang tanghalian ko sa banyagang bansa at ang tanging pinag-uusapan, FOOTBALL. Kasadsaran noon ng FIFA Worldcup Championship sa Brazil. Hindi ako makarelate.  Halos para akong pader sa harap na nakikinig lang sa usapan nila, minsan sinasabayan ko din ng ungol, “aah” “really?” “wow”. Napakafruitful ng aking mga inputs ano? Haha!

Inasahan ko na iyon. Wala akong alam sa Football,  sa totoo lang, ang kakaunting interest na meron ako para sa laro ay dahil lang sa Azkals. Nagulat ang mga kasama kong banyaga, ang Aleman, tumingin sa akin, tinignan ako sa mata at gulat na gulat akong tinanong, “Filipinos are not into Football? Really?? What do Filipinos play?”

Ako na ngayon ang center of attention, ang nag-iisang tao sa table na di mahilig sa football. Ngumiti ako, sabay sabi, “Well, the Philippines loves Basketball!” Halos sabay sabay silang nagreact with eyes wide open, “REALLY?” May isang nangahas, tinanong ako, “I hope you don’t mind, but aren’t Filipinos short for Basketball?” Ulit, nakangiti akong sumagot, “Yes. But you know, we are going to the World’s this year.”

Pagkatapos ng dalawang buwan, tumuntong nga ang Pilipinas sa entablado ng World Basketball. Walang nakakakilala, walang nagmamatyag. Madaming nagduda. Napag-usapan lang daw ng kaunti dahil kay Andray Blatche, ang kanong ginawang Pilipino para lang makapaglaro para sa atin sa FIBA.  Sabi nila ang basketball daw ay laro ng mga matatangkad, bakit ipinagpipilitan ng Pilipinas magbasketball? Mapapahiya lang daw tayo.

Bakit nga ba? Bakit ba nahihilig tayo sa mga bagay na sabi ng marami ay di naman para sa atin? Bakit tayo umaasa sa impossible? Basketball, as they say, is a tall man’s game. E di naman matangkad ang mga Pilipino.

Ang sagot, simple lang. Kasi ang Pilipino, PALABAN, may PANININDIGAN, may PUSO.

Marahil ginawa tayo ng Diyos para ipakita sa mundo na walang impossible, na kahit pa anong dagok ang pagdaanan, may magandang idudulot ang pagsisikap at paniniwala. Dahil ang Pilipino, kahit ilang beses madapa, tatayo at muling lalaban. Ang Pilipino, kahit kulang ang armas, kailanman hindi umaatras. Ang Pilipino, kahit gumapang sa hirap, ipaglalaban ang pangarap.

Aminado naman tayo, madalas underdog ang mga Pilipino. Lagi tayo “come from the behind.” Mapa-sports man or kahit ano pang larangan. But in weakness, we find our strength. Tulad nalang ng ipinakita ng Gilas na kahit hindi sila kasing tangkad at laki ng mga banyagang kalaban, kaya nilang lumaban and manalo. Mantakin niyo, muntik tayong makasilat ng panalo against Argentina, Croatia and Puerto Rico, isama mo pa ung Greece kung gusto niyo. Lahat close games, hindi na masama.

Humingit kumulang dalawang buwan na pag-eensayo, first time mag-laro as a team with Andray Blatche, first time din sa Worlds kahit ng mga coaches. Eyebrows really had to raise. International competition un eh, di summer league at lalong hindi exhibition game. Pero malakas ang loob ng Pilipino, lumaban at tumayo para sa Pilipinas. Naniwala silang bagamat mahirap, kakayanin para sa bayan. Pilipinong Pilipino, ika nga.alapag

Sino nga naman ang mag-aakala na ang isang 5’7 inches at 36 year old na Kapitan ng ating koponan ay maihahantulad ng mga international sportscasters and analysts sa NBA Star ni JJ Barea? Ang daming nagdududa kung makakatres pa ba si Mighty Mouse sa harap ng mga 7footers na kalaban, kung importante pa ba ang leadership niya on the floor.  Maliit na nga daw, matanda pa. Pero si Jimmy Alapag ay isang Pilipino, sinubok ng panahon, pinatibay ng pagkakataon. That game against Senegal, isa sa mga pinakamatangkad na team sa tournament, ay maaring ang kanyang huling international basketball game. Ngunit hanggang sa huling segundo, hindi siya nagpakita ng kahinaan ng loob. Hanggang sa dulo, lumaban at nanindigan, NANALO PARA SA BAYAN.

Naalala niyo nung nagposter dunk si Gabe Norwood, ang 6’6 forward ng Gilas against the 6’8 power forward ng Indiana Pacers na si Scola? Inakala ba nilang makakahirit pa siya ng isang monster slum in that same game? Sabi nila, magaling naman ung Norwood, mejo parang patpatin lang, di pang-international. Pero ni minsan, hindi nakitaan ng kahinaan ng loob ung Norwood sa isang buong linggong paglalaro. Ang galing dumipensa, nag top 1 play of the day pa ung dunk niya.

Iyong Pingris, purong Ilokano tulad ko. Pinoy Sakuragi kung tawagin ng marami. Magaling, lumalaban, all heart kahit may iniindang sakit. Pero may mga nagtanong, teka, ano height ni Ping? 6’5 lang un ah. Naku lagot na, makakarebound pa kaya? PERO PINOY SI PING, ILOKANO PA, descendant ni  Diego Silang! (Love your own. Haha!) He didn’t falter. Nakipag-agawan sa rebounds laban sa 7 footer na kalaban, parang walang injury. Monster pa rin.

Madami din ang nagsabi tagilid din sina Tenorio, Castro at Lee. Oo may mga shooting at mabibilis, e halos hanggang baywang sila ng mga kalaban. Ngunit di sila nagpadaig, pinahabol at pinatakbo ang kalaban. Pinagod.

Si Jeff Chan, nagpakitang gilas sa umpisa palang against Croatia at kahit di na ulit nahanap ang shooting form, matapang paring naglaro para sa bayan. Matagal din akong naghintay ng dunk ni Japeth, sa wakas niyanig din niya ang ring nung laban against Senegal. Gaya ng “Kwentong Gilas” feature niya sa TV5, “Never Say Die.” Si El Granda, hindi pumutok pero hindi rin bumitaw sa laban. Siya nga ang “Dagul ng Dinalupihan.”

gilas-norwood-dunks-scolaHindi rin matatawaran ang tibay ng loob ni Ranidel de Ocampo, nakipaglaban sa rebounds, nagtres. Go hard ika nga lalo na at literal na hard ang mga kalaban. Kita naman nung huling laban against Senegal, nastapler ang ulo ni RDO samantalang ung isa, parang wala lang.

Bata pa, PBA MVP nga pero di pa kayang mag-international, yan ang sabi ng ilan kay Junmar Fajardo. Pero ang bata, ang pinakasteady sa huli. Ang future ng Philippine Basketball, ang Kraken. Isa sa pinakamalaking dahilan kung bakit nakasungkit tayo ng panalo sa World Cup. Kitang kita kay Junmar ang pagkaPilipino, hindi man madalas nagagamit nung unang mga laro, naghintay siya ng kanyang pagkakataon. Hindi sumuko, hindi pinanghinaan ng loob.

Free agent ngayon si Andray Blatche, may attitude problem pa daw kaya lalong wala pang kontrata sa NBA. Pero si Dray, beast mode the entire tournament. Nagpopoint guard pa nga kita niyo? Madaming nainis, oo nga nakakascore, okay din sa rebounds pero ang daming turn overs, masyadong bwakaw! First game palang, nainjure na pero hindi nagpa-sub. Halla sige, nanangalabaw parin. Amazing. Di ko alam kung anong attitude problem ang sinasabi nila, pero kung problema ung all heart ni Andray Blatche sa paglalaro, e di sige, okay lang.

Talong talo nga talaga tayo kung pati coach pag-uusapan ang height. Nung laro against Argentina, pati narin Puerto Rico, madami sa atin ang sinisi si Coach Chot. Pero kahanga hanga ang pag-ako niya ng pagkukulang. Huwag daw ang players ang sisihin, siya nalang kasi di siya makabuo ng magandang end game play. Pambihira, napakaselfless, very Filipino. Pero si Coach Chot, kasama pa si Norman Black, Jong Uichico at iba pang members ng coaching staff, naging cheering team narin. All heart. Full support.

Totoo nga, ang mga Pilipino, hindi genetically built to play basketball. Coming into the World Cup, we are one of, if not the, least experienced team there is. The odds were never in our favor.

Pero ang mga Gilas, mga Pilipino. PALABAN, may PANININDIGAN, may PUSO.

Sabi nga sa isang tweet, kung tayo sobrang nasasaktan na sa mga sunod sunod na close calls, ang Gilas pa kaya. Mahirap talaga maheartbroken ng apat na magkakasunod na pagkakataon. Lalo na kung buong puso kang nagmahal, kung buong puso mong ipinaglaban. Tayo nga nanood lang, nagcheer, sumigaw, sumuporta pero napakasakit na. Ilang beses ko din kinanta ang “napakasakit, Kuya Eddie” etong Linggong ito. Nakakatawa pero totoo. Sa sobrang involved at puyat ko, nagkasakit na nga ako. Pero tuloy ang suporta kahit noong eliminated na, kasi ang Pusong Pinoy, martir. Kahit nasasaktan at pinapaasa na, umiibig pa rin.

Minahal ng buong sambayanang Pilipino ang basketball. Bawat kanto may ring, minsan nga makeshift lang na nalilipat pag may pa-liga ang barangay. Kahit walang sapatos, kahit walang saplot, kahit tirik ang araw. Minsan nga, kahit walang makain, at kahit lasing. Makalaro lang ng basketball, solve na. Noong Yolanda nga, giba na ang mga bahay, wala ng masuot o makain, pero always present ang isang poste na may bilog na bakal, basta makapaglaro ng basketball, Masaya na.

yolandaWe failed so many times in the past to qualify for the World Cup, lagi nalang may chance, pero hanggang dun nalang. But it is the Philippines’ love for basketball which brought us to the Worlds and secured us our first even win in the FIBA World Cup in 40 years.

Hindi lang talento o skill, pero ang laki ng tulong ng pusong Pilipino para makarating tayo dito. Ang pusong nagmahal, lumaban at nanindigan. Ang pusong kahit nasaktan ay patuloy na lumaban. Ang pusong di nawalan ng pag-asa.

Ang basketball at Pilipino, marahil ay hindi nga bagay at hindi meant to be. Pero ang Gilas pinatunayan, na ang Pilipino kailanman hindi mo malilimitahan. Maniniwala sa sarili, lalaban para sa pangarap, para sa bayan.

Subukan mong sabihing “hindi mo kaya yan” sa isang Pilipino. Subukan mo. Mapapahiya ka lang.

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*PHOTOS NOT MINE.